Choices Oneshot
by AStarDanced77
Summary: Edward hears Jake's plans to tell Bella he loves her. What is he thinking as he drives away?


Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

From Eclipse, Chapter 14 (Declaration): after Edward has driven Bella to the La Push boundary to spend the afternoon with Jacob.

Edward's POV 

I turned the car around and drove away. I had to get away from the sound of Jacob shouting his love to the woman who was my life before I flagrantly violated the treaty I had helped create. I felt as if I was being torn in two – half of me needing to flee and the other desperately wanting to run back and snatch Bella from him. I gripped the steering wheel tightly – my knuckles white with the strain – and tried to concentrate on the road.

As I drove into the garage, a glint of silver caught my eye. Bella had forgotten to take her cell phone with her. Now I could not even contact her, to check that she was safe. She had nothing of me with her as she stayed there, with him, in the place from which I was barred. Depression and panic threatened, as they always did when she was absent from me. I slumped in my seat, held captive by her scent still swirling through the car.

I already knew that Jacob loved Bella. Even if I had not been able to hear his thoughts, it was obvious in the way he looked at her. But I did not know how Bella felt. The frustration of not being able to hear her thoughts broke through the depression momentarily and made me grind my teeth. I would find out soon enough though. Jacob was planning to tell her how he felt today – he would ask her to choose him instead.

Panic hovered in my chest. He could offer her so much that I never could. He could love her physically and not risk hurting her. He could give her a human life – a life where she would not have to give up her friends and her family. A life that would include Charlie and Renee, whom she loved so much. A life without lies, without constant fear of exposure, without the need to move from place to place to avoid suspicion, without having to hide on a sunny day. A life with children of her own.

The last thought stopped me cold. Bella thought she wanted to give up her humanity to be with me, but how could she know what she would miss? I had seen what it had done to Rosalie to live decade after decade without the hope of what she wanted most. I had heard her despair in the black moods she tried to hide from Emmett. Rosalie knew she had always irritated me with her shallow vanity, but I had never told her how her anguish had touched me. The thought of Bella feeling that same anguish because of me, because of what I had taken from her....

She would be better with Jacob. He didn't deserve her, but who could? At least he could give her a human life. I would let her go, if it was what she wanted. My breathing stopped as I imagined the scene. She would say goodbye and my life would be over. My existence would continue - endless, meaningless. I had no trouble imagining how I would feel. The crystal clear memory of the long months without her shrouded me in agony, cutting me with its sharp edges. I clamped down against the pain and wretchedness. Bleak years, decades, without her stretched in front of me hopelessly. My breath hitched in my throat as the pain surged through me again. I had barely made it through seven months alone. How would I manage a lifetime? Her lifetime, spent with someone else.

Caught up my desolation, I didn't hear anyone until the car door opened. Alice slid into the passenger seat. _It's not often I can sneak up on you._

"What do you want, Alice?" I didn't even look at her.

"Jasper sent me," she replied aloud, her tone even. I could hear her thoughts struggling against the accusation. Of course. I was not the only one locked in agony. Jasper had felt everything I had. This was why I had left them... before. I had not wanted to inflict my suffering on the others. I would have to find Jasper and apologise.

"I'm sorry, Alice. That was thoughtless."

"What happened, Edward?"

"I took Bella down to La Push. Jacob..." My voice failed as the pain caught me again.

"Jacob, what?" Alice demanded when I fell silent.

I gathered myself together. "Jacob is going to tell Bella he loves her. He is going to ask her to choose him."

Understanding and sympathy appeared on her face. "Bella loves you, Edward."

I refused to be comforted. "He thinks she loves him, too. Maybe he is right. She seems to need him somehow. Maybe she would be better with him. Look for me – look into the future and see if she would be better with Jacob. Please."

"You know I can't do that. I can't see the werewolves' futures. Bella knows what she wants, Edward. She loves you. Don't borrow trouble – we have enough already."

"Sometimes love isn't enough, Alice." The words burst stormily from me. "He can give her so much that I can't. She could keep her humanity, her family, her friends. She wouldn't have to leave her home for him. _He_ doesn't have to worry about hurting her. _He_ won't accidently kill her with a moment's inattention. _He_ doesn't hear her blood calling to him-"

"Edward, stop," Alice commanded, putting her hand on my lips. I hung my head in my hands, struggling for control.

"He can give her children, Alice, and I never can. How can I take that away from her?"

She was silent. _Maybe she doesn't want children. I never have._

"She might not want them now but what about in 10, 15 or 20 years? What if she does want them one day? You know how Rosalie feels. How will Bella feel when she truly realises what I have taken from her? Will she hate me?" My voice broke at the end.

Alice looked at me for a moment, deliberating. Her eyes scanned my face and tightened as she made her decision.

"Edward, when we were on our way to Italy, I didn't know if we would get there in time. I saw what the Volturi would do to you if we were too late." Her voice wavered slightly. "I didn't want to give Bella false hope, so I explained, told her what might happen. She knew, Edward. She knew that she might die. And she was willing to risk death, for you."

"I know, Alice, but-"

Alice cut me off. "There's more, Edward. When I told her that we might fail and that the Volturi might kill us all, she was relieved. If we couldn't save you, she wanted to die too."

There was silence in the car. I couldn't find words amidst the maelstrom of emotion. Alice sat silently for a minute, waiting. When I didn't say anything, she sighed and leaned over to kiss my cheek.

"Stop worrying," she commanded and slid out of the car.

The car felt empty again. Bereft. The way I felt when Bella wasn't with me. Depression threatened to overwhelm me again. I took a deep breath. I had caused Jasper enough pain today already. I would think of happy things and wait patiently until Bella was ready for me again.

I searched my memory for happy thoughts. They were all about her. Of course. She had made me happy in a way I had never imagined I could be. I thought back to that first night in her room. This time the clarity of my memory was a blessing. The same feelings washed over me as I remembered her muttering my name in her sleep, asking me to stay. She had changed me so completely that night.

I remembered the first night she had asked me to stay...

_Bella lay asleep in my arms as I revelled in the simple act of holding her – something I had not thought I would ever be able to do safely. It had already felt more than I deserved just to be with her. Her head nuzzled into my chest – the warmth of her body permeating through me. I carefully stroked her hair, needing an outlet for the love I felt, then froze as she stirred. _

"_Mmm," she muttered. "Edward." She was dreaming of me again. Happiness surged through me. My life had not prepared me for the perfect bliss that she brought me. It was almost unbearable in its sweetness – I could not imagine anything better. _

"_Edward," she murmured again, "I love you." _

I caught my breath with the memory of her words. Requited love – love I had done nothing to deserve – had seemed, still seemed, miraculous to me. She had said it again the next morning after she had awoken and it had been as if my heart would explode from sheer joy. She had said it countless times since then but familiarity had not dulled the feelings that coursed through me when she did.

The memories brought me peace. I would love her forever. Whatever the future held, I would always be grateful for the miracle of Bella. She made my world right and whole. I would do anything for her ....whatever she needed.... no matter what it cost me. It must be her choice, always her choice. Because she was everything to me.

I settled further in my chair, preparing to wait out our separation by reliving my favourite memories. I would start with our perfect summer together, every moment of it bliss.

* * *

My phone rang, disrupting my reverie. I grabbed it looking at the clock. It was too soon, I told myself. She had never spent so little time with him. I shouldn't get my hopes up, but I could help thrill of anticipation that ran through me. I glanced at caller id and my mood soared. She was back. I was eager to be with her instantly, one hand starting the car as the other flipped open the phone.

"Bella?" my euphoria bubbled over. "You left the phone...I'm sorry, did Jacob drive you home?"

"Yes," she muttered, clearly upset. "Will you come and get me, please?"

I felt a twinge of unease. What had Jacob said to her?

"I'm on my way. What's wrong?" I pressed.

"I want Carlisle to look at my hand. I think it's broken," she replied.

She was hurt. He had let her get hurt. Euphoria vanished and tinges of red circled my vision as I sped out of the driveway.

"What happened?" I demanded, suppressing the violence of my fury with some difficulty.

"I punched Jacob," she admitted, a touch of sheepishness in her voice.

"Good." I didn't even try to keep the satisfaction from my voice. Maybe I would not have to suffer his presence in her life after all. "Though I'm sorry you're hurt."

Bella laughed. "I wish I'd hurt _him_. I didn't do any damage at all," she replied, frustration evident in her tone.

"I can fix that," I offered hopefully. Perhaps I could have the opportunity to rearrange his face, I thought longingly.

She laughed, a hard laugh. "I was hoping you would say that."

The wariness returned. What could that mutt have said that would move my gentle Bella to violence?

"That doesn't sound like you? What did he _do_?"

"He kissed me," she growled, kitten outrage permeating her tone.

Pure fury surged through me, locking my jaw and washing my vision in red. I planted my foot on the accelerator, sending the car screaming around a corner and struggled for control of my voice. Several long seconds passed before I could speak again.

"Is the dog still there?" I could only hope he was, because otherwise I would be breaking the treaty to hunt him down and slaughter him.

"Yes," she assured me. Excellent. I would tear him apart with my bare hands.

"I'm around the corner," I grated and hung up the phone. Fury pulsed through me again as I swung the car around the final corner and screeched to a stop outside her house. I retained just enough control to check that no-one was watching, and then raced to her door. I could hear the television blaring with the inevitable baseball game as I waited impatiently for her to open it.

My fury dissipated slightly when Bella opened the door to me with a smile. Her hand was wrapped in a dishcloth and she was cradling it to her chest. I reached for it gently, yet again blessing my years of medical training, and smiled as she sighed in relief. The feel of her soft skin and delicate bones were a reminder that retribution would have to wait. Her wellbeing always came first.

I examined her hand carefully. "I think you are right about the break. I'm proud of you. You must have put some force behind this."

She sagged against me. "As much as I have," she replied ruefully with a sigh. "Not enough apparently." The adrenaline was wearing off and the pain had started to pinch her face.

I kissed her hand, trying to make her feel better. "I'll take care of it," I promised. With pleasure.

I heard someone move in the living room and the stench of dog swirled through the door. Yes, retribution would have to wait but perhaps a little warning would not go astray.

"Jacob," I called, pushing the fury aside to make my tone even.


End file.
